The Elimination Diet Saga

Not so sure about beets.

It is taking me a really long time to finish this post. I wrote the first draft in October, and every time I sit down to edit and hopefully be done with it, I find I have more to add. On the whole, I feel ready to put this whole elimination diet to rest—to report my findings, proclaim my success, reflect on what I’ve learned, and move on to other subjects. But what I’m realizing (in part due to my inability to finish this post) is that this process of keeping a careful record of what I eat (or now that we’ve started solids, of what I feed Cedar too), and then tracking his reactions, will continue for many months still, if not years.


Of course, it won’t ever be as challenging as when the list of things I wasn’t eating exceeded the thing I did eat. And it won’t ever be as challenging as when I didn’t know what was causing Cedar’s gas pains that led him to writhe in pain, nor what was causing his face to be covered in a red, puffy rash which caused him to scratch it into infected, yellowing sores. No, those hardest days are far behind us already. In comparison, the challenges we now face are easy.  



But let me back up and recount this journey, for it has been no small feat. For five months and counting, I have been on an elimination diet. I started the diet back in August when Cedar was about four months old and had been suffering for a couple months through bad gassy spells. Some days, his gas would come and go throughout the day, causing discomfort, but nothing that couldn’t be appeased with a little nursing, bouncing and distraction. Other days, however, his gas would wake him from his sleep with an anguished howl, and a particularly bad spell might last for over an hour, during which I would bounce, massage, nurse, and shift him from position to position, trying to bring some relief.



In addition to the gas, Cedar had a rash on his cheeks ever since he was about a month old. My midwife had suggested it might be from dairy, and sure enough  once I eliminated dairy, it went away. (Later it would come back, though nowhere near as bad, and I’m no longer sure this subsequent rash is now food-related). Cedar’s gas and rash symptoms peaked at around four months. On days when I was especially exhausted, his discomfort could be enough to tip me over the edge into tears myself. I tried gripe water and Hyland colic tablets, I talked to his doctor, I made an effort to burp him more often (wondering if perhaps the gas was from air bubbles created when feeding), I did research online, but nothing was of much help. I tried to trace his gas to foods I was eating, and started avoiding things like cabbage and beans -- but still, his gas persisted.



Finally, I decided to visit a naturopath. I suspected that she would probably have me go on an elimination diet, and though I’d dreaded going to this extreme, I was convinced by now that more action was needed. I was tired of the guesswork. The ND gave me a long list of foods I shouldn’t eat, and briefly explained how I could reintroduce them one by one, after Cedar’s gas disappeared. How long would I have to be on this diet? She couldn’t say exactly. It could be months.



And so I cut out all dairy, soy, gluten, eggs, corn, tree nuts, peanuts, shellfish, beans, garlic, onions, tomatoes, citrus, peppers, spicy foods, coffee, and Brassica vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, kale, brussel sprouts, radishes, turnips, bok choy, etc.) from my diet. After doing more research, I also began avoiding fish, pork, processed meats, peas, berries, mustard, and cinnamon, which had also appeared in some sources as potential allergens. I was already cutting out so much that I didn’t want to take any chances.



Within a few weeks, Cedar’s gas pains went away. He still had a gassy moment or two, but none of the whimpering in his sleep, none of the prolonged cries that required constant bouncing and soothing to abate. For this, the diet was already worth it; for this I could already proclaim it a success. But we were only just getting started. I would still need to introduce each item, one by one, then wait for a reaction which could come anywhere from 4 hours to 3 days later. The naturopath explained how sometimes a little of something might be okay, but a little of this, plus a little of this, and a little of this, all together could create a reaction. So if you didn’t test everything one by one, and in a significant enough quantity, you could never be sure what caused each reaction. Also, I quickly learned that many reactions could last for several days, which meant that it might take a full week just to test one item on the list. And even then, if a test result wasn’t entirely clear, I would need to retest it. This is why elimination diets are a huge commitment and can take forever, but they also can provide the clearest and most accurate results, as opposed to blood tests which often show false positives.



Thankfully, summer was an ideal time to embark on such a diet. Despite having so many foods off limits, I could still eat plenty of fresh fruits (think nectarines, apples, apricots, cherries…) and vegetables (chard, spinach, lettuce, cucumbers, beets, and carrots were my mainstays), along with chicken, beef, quinoa, rice, and potatoes. I ate a ton of avocados, the only creamy thing I could spread on a sandwich, which I’d make with millet bread from the PCC, the best gluten-free option I found. Frequent treats included bags of salt and vinegar potato chips (seeing that every other flavor but plain had onion or garlic powder in it), coconut ice cream, Larabars (once I was eating nuts), and Pamela’s gluten-free, vegan ginger-almond cookies. Oh yeah, and wine. I never eliminated wine, grateful it wasn’t on my list. And I never could bring myself to cut out caffeine either, but I did go down to just one cup of tea a day for the first while, and coffee was then one of the first things I tested. Thankfully, it proved to be okay. There’s nothing worse than being sleep-deprived and cut off from caffeine.



As long as I planned my meals ahead of time and only ate at home, this diet wasn’t that hard to follow and could still be pretty delicious. Most things still taste pretty good marinated with olive oil, salt, balsamic, and maybe a little sugar or wine.  But good luck finding anything in a restaurant or deli that doesn’t have garlic, onions, soy oil, butter, or cheese in it. Not even the PCC makes dishes without garlic. I must say, however, that without my husband’s help dreaming up new dishes that I could eat, it would have been much harder. For the most part, he’s eaten what I’ve eaten for dinner, and seldom tempts me to stray by bringing ‘forbidden foods’ into the house.



That said, after just two weeks on the diet, I couldn’t wait to start reintroducing foods. Salmon and almonds were amongst the first foods I tested, and to my relief, Cedar did not seem to have a reaction to them. Hurrah! I could start eating almond butter on my millet bread for breakfast, and smoked salmon (caught and smoked by my husband, no less) in my salad for lunch. These were nice easy options for a quick protein fix, as opposed to always having to fry up a piece of raw meat. Sure I like meat, but I was not used to eating so much of it, at every meal, without any other source of protein for variation.



I mapped out a rough plan of what order to test things in, but often I ended up spontaneously changing my mind on what to try next, based on what we had (or didn’t have) around and how hungry I was. Mostly, I wanted to start with the foods that I least expected Cedar to have a reaction to so I could expand my diet as quickly as possible, and then work towards the items that were the most common allergy culprits: namely soy, gluten, corn, peanuts, shellfish and eggs. (I wasn’t even going to bother testing dairy.) I kept a careful record of everything I ate each day and Cedar’s sleep patterns to see how much of his frequent waking was linked to gas.  I wanted to be able to catch any subtle reactions, in addition to the obvious ones.



Hoping to reintroduce another easy protein source, I tested eggs early on, despite it being a common allergen. Cedar seemed a little more gassy about three days later, but I wasn’t sure, so I decided to hold off on eating them still and retest them later. Next, I tried tomatoes, and Cedar had a definite reaction a day or so later. I hadn’t suspected tomatoes. (So maybe those times he’d reacted badly to spaghetti, it wasn’t the garlic or the wheat, but the tomatoes that were affecting him! These were the kinds of small revelations I was having.)  Next, came citrus. I ate two oranges, and Cedar seemed a little gassier than usual a couple days later, but I wasn’t positive. My conclusion? I could have a little lemon or lime in my food, but I should probably stay away from guzzling glasses of orange juice for now. Easy enough.



Next, came soy. I drank four cups of soy milk over breakfast and lunch. Four hours later: major gas. The next day: restlessness and difficulty napping. And the next day: still gassy and restless. Definitely a reaction. I also hadn’t expected soy.



As much as I was hoping Cedar wouldn’t react to most things, it was also a relief when he would show a reaction because this meant that there was a point to me going to all this effort. It would have been so frustrating to go through months of self-sacrifice only to emerge with inconclusive results.



By now we were already about two months into this whole endeavor—three weeks where I’d eliminated everything, and five weeks of reintroducing foods. Peanuts came next. Cedar was definitely really gassy for the next few days. The problem was, however, that the same night I tested peanuts, my husband had (without thinking) put a dash of garlic and hot pepper-infused vinegar in our rice pasta dish. So the peanut test was wasted, which might not seem like a big deal except that it represented one more week I would have to be on this diet-- and at this point, I was increasingly anxious to be done with it.



Making mistakes like this was so frustrating, but so easy the minute I let my guard down and forgot to read a label. So much is hidden in so much. Like dairy in salami, or soy oil in granola, breads, tortillas, crackers, and mayonnaise. Soy is in everything, and most of it is genetically modified which is probably what has made it such an allergen for people. One night I was so excited that my husband was making a gluten-free crust and gravy for a chicken pot pie, and that we were actually eating something different for dinner that I forgot all about the fact that soy oil is what is in Crisco. Fuck. Soy again. Nights of a sleepless baby again. We already knew soy was bad for Cedar, and this now meant days of gassiness and another week added on to the diet.



Surprisingly, gluten proved to be just fine. I’d held off on testing gluten for months, assuming the worst. What a relief! Beer! Toast! How nice to know that my diet would improve again, even if I still cannot have anything vaguely creamy for some time.



By now, I’d started to get impatient and cut a few corners, for example eating some pecans, walnuts, ginger, cinnamon and berries without formally testing them, to no obvious adverse affect. Garbanzos were also okay (yay, more protein!), as was corn, kale, red peppers, mustard, and onions—the latter two of which have been especially exciting in the flavor department. I never thought I’d be so excited about mustard.



I’m still not sure about eggs. I’ve since read that eggs are one of those allergens that cause rashes more than they do gas, and since Cedar’s rash never completely went away, it is hard to tell for sure if he had a reaction the last time I tried them. I don’t really want to eat a ton at once and risk a bad outbreak, plus not a day goes by when I’m still not fantasizing about the next new food I’ll try, so it’s easier for me to just avoid eggs for now, indulging on occasion. (Plus, they make me gassy too.) And sadly, garlic also tested not okay, prompting major gas spells the two or three times I had it. There is so much I want to eat that has garlic in it.



I’m still gauging if I can get away with eating small amounts of things here and there (not to mention whether organic vs. non-organic, or GMO or non-GMO versions will make a difference to Cedar’s system), but all of this takes time—the requisite three days to wait after testing something if I want to do it right. In the meantime, we’ve also started introducing Cedar to solids, which means we have to wait three days after giving him something new too. (This is recommended practice for all babies, but especially so if your baby has already proven to be sensitive.) So far, we’ve given him yams, pumpkin, avocado, banana, peas, quinoa, apple, beets, and oatmeal. And so far, no obvious reactions, though I have a few suspicions. Since he eats so little of each thing at this point, however, it’s hard to say for sure. Time will tell.



For now, Cedar and I take turns trying new foods—this week, mama tests something, next week, Cedar. If there are no gassy reactions, then we can try two new foods a week, if there is a reaction, then maybe one.  It’s not that I expect him to be allergic to most things, especially the vegetables and fruits we’re starting him on, but when you’ve committed five months and counting to this process, it just doesn’t make sense to start getting sloppy now. It’s worth it to still proceed cautiously, one food at a time, because in the long run, that is the quickest way that we are both going to expand our palettes.



That brings us up to present. I still need to retest peanuts, and try shellfish, both of which I’ve avoided (call it intuition-- or fear). And then that pretty much just leaves all the individual gassy vegetables, beans, plus combinations or varying amounts of this and that. Sometimes I end up testing things on a whim, because I am hungry, get a craving, or there is no other immediate tasty option. For instance, when I decided to “test” a Dick’s burger and fries, or indulge in dark chocolate, which is really hard to find without soy lecithin in it, an “emulsifier”, whatever that is. And of course, by now, Cedar may very well have started to outgrow some of his sensitivities, which means that I could start retesting things if I wanted to. For instance, I tried butter the other week—apple pie for Christmas. In the past, the dairy rash reaction tended to come on a day or two afterward, and sometimes wasn’t so obvious until I’d had dairy a few times. I’m pretty sure his rash got worse after the butter, so I’ve deemed it still off limits, but I’m still planning to test goat cheese soon which might be less offensive than cow products. Sigh. Am I tiring you out yet with these details?  



At times I’ve felt like some people think I’m being overly cautious in my approach, but if they’d witnessed how uncomfortable Cedar once was and knew how much harder it makes our life when he doesn’t sleep well because of gas, then maybe they’d understand. It’s hard for me to explain the sinking feeling of dread that overcomes me when I hear Cedar begin to whimper in his sleep. I usually go into the bedroom to stand nearby so that the moment he wakes up crying, which I know from experience will come soon, I can be there to soothe and nurse him back to sleep.



In many ways, I feel like I’ve been flying solo on this whole endeavor, with the exception of the support of my husband. I don’t have a doctor who has guided me through the process, since my pediatrician knows little about food allergies, and the naturopath I first visited left me with some doubts as well as to her knowledge of infants and transference through breast milk. I have also not had the time to do the additional research that I would if I could. For instance, I’ve wanted to visit another ND for months, one who knows more about babies and who takes my insurance, but it seems like I blink, and before I know it, another month has gone by. At times, I’ve had to just let my intuition guide me, a resource I don’t want to underestimate. But I do suspect that if I’d had a skilled expert in children and food allergies guiding me through this from the beginning, I might have proceeded more efficiently and saved myself some of this trial, error, and guesswork. An expert might have been able to help me analyze the patterns of Cedar’s reactions, or cue me in from the beginning which sensitivities were likely to appear as a rash versus gas, or both. An expert might also help me figure out where I have been overly cautious with my diet, and where I might still not be cautious enough.



In the end, I’ve pieced together what knowledge I can in what time I’ve had, made a plan, and stuck with it. I’ve seen positive, conclusive results, at the same time that I still have lots of questions and unknowns. I’ve been taking fish oil for the last couple months, recommended by many to help eczema, and I think it’s made a huge difference for Cedar. I’ve also been using a borage butter baby eczema cream, which may or may not be helping too. Several have mentioned that I should also take probiotics or give them to Cedar directly, but I haven’t had the time yet to research what dosage. You’d think I’d jump on any potential solution immediately, but as a full-time mother there are so many things I mean to get around to researching or doing, and inevitably, some things—both potentially important or inconsequential—get put off or forgotten.



For now, Cedar’s gas continues to come and go as I continue to try new foods, mess up and eat things by mistake, or give in to occasional whims that I suspect won’t be worth it but oh well. His rash comes and goes too, perhaps influenced by the air and the environment. I visited a pediatric dermatologist months ago who prescribed hydrocortisone, which I continue to apply sparingly as needed for now since it keeps his rash under control. I’d rather not, since it can cause thinning of the skin if used too much, but the doctor assured me a little bit was okay, so I’ve resigned myself to this “treat the symptom, not the cause” solution. Everyone assures me that Cedar should eventually outgrow his sensitivities or allergies by the time he’s a year old, or two or three. And thankfully, the worst of his symptoms are over.



So, am I still on an elimination diet? Depends how you look at it. My diet has expanded so much since I first started this whole process that it doesn’t really seem like I’m on the same diet anymore when I’m just cooking for myself. And yet, I am still constantly obsessing about food—specifically, what food I’ll test next and how exactly I will eat it. When I do finally get around to eating something new, I take that first bite with a giddy sense of excitement and with an underlying current of dread, knowing that whatever fleeting pleasure these once forbidden flavors give me might not be worth the next day’s reaction. And, of course, put me out in the world and I still can’t eat hardly a thing at any restaurant and I still have to give my hosts a long list of things I can’t eat. I hate being the one with a million special requests, as I’ve never been a picky eater or had any food sensitivities of my own, but most people graciously accommodate, going so far as to omit the precious garlic from their main course.



Still, I remember in the past being a wee bit skeptical of people who had a lot of sensitivities, asking are you sure you can’t have just a little garlic in your dish? (Unspoken implication: are you sure you aren’t being just a little paranoid/overly cautious/or particular? I mean, what’s a little gas?). Even the pediatric dermatologist I visited had this attitude, calling me a “saint” and joking, “I’d just let him fart.” I had to explain that it wasn’t just “a few farts” and nor did he have some mysterious condition called colic that would just “go away with time.” My son’s discomfort was clearly caused by what I put into my body. His rash, on the other hand, I couldn’t say for sure, but being a dermatologist you’d think she would have been more sensitive to the potential food/rash connection.



Yes, this whole process has been incredibly long and tiresome. But nothing compares to how hard it was to not know what was causing or how to help my son’s pain. And although I dearly miss garlic, cheese, and the ability to order take-out or to eat my mom’s home cooking, I am also thankful for the way this diet has forced me to eat more healthily and to notice and appreciate all that I can and do eat every day.

Progress!

For the last three weeks, I’ve been on an elimination diet to try to get to the root of Cedar’s gas and allergy issues. No dairy, soy, gluten, corn, fish, beans, tomatoes, broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, peppers, radishes, kale, turnips, brussell sprouts, coffee, sulfites, garlic, onions, nuts, spicy foods, shellfish, citrus or eggs. So what am I eating, you may ask? Meat, rice products, other vegetables (namely spinach, chard, carrots, potatoes, beets, squash, and cucumbers), fruits, coconut products, quinoa, and millet. With the exception of a few days stint, I have not cut out caffeine completely; I did cut out coffee, which is supposedly the worst, but I’m holding out on that precious cup of tea in the morning, especially since I’ve been so tired lately, and also since I don’t think it’s a major culprit of Cedar’s gas (wishful thinking?). I also have held out on my evening glass of wine, though I’m mostly drinking wine with no added sulfites, since sulfites could possibly be an issue, but I doubt it. So, there you have it, caffeine and alcohol are my hold outs. Hey, I’ve never been a health fiend. I value my emotional stability, and, in these days of self-deprivation on many fronts, tea and wine are a couple of my dearest friends.

Actually, it hasn’t been as hard as it might sound. And it’s been that much easier for me to take on, because I’m doing this not just for myself, but mostly for my baby. True, it is virtually impossible for me to eat anything served in a restaurant, but these days I mostly stay at home anyway, and nor do I have much time to cook, so as long as I keep the fridge stocked with things I can eat, most days I don’t feel that deprived. Breakfast a bowl of rice cereal, and maybe some fruit or turkey sausage, minimally processed. Lunch is often a salad with rice or quinoa, chicken, lots of vegetables, and oil and balsamic. Dinner might be the same, or else maybe some other meat and roasted yams and potatoes. Treats are avocados, salt and vinegar potato chips, coconut ice cream, fruit, and gin and tonics, without the lime. It’s ironic how these days I view a little bit of alcohol as “better” for me and Cedar than, say, broccoli, especially when for the last year I’ve completely avoided alcohol or had very little of it. But when it comes down to varying opinions about how much and when exactly a glass of alcohol gets transmitted through breast milk, versus seeing an immediate correlation between eating a food and then watching your baby cry, arch his back, and struggle in pain some 4-24 hours later, um, I’ll take the gin and tonic. Right now rewarding myself with little treats is often what gets me through a tough day.

The good news is, Cedar’s gas has been mostly absent recently! He still has an occasional squirmy, gassy uncomfortable moment easily attribute to gas, but this seems much more like what one might consider normal, baby gas, gas that passes fairly quickly without a prolonged acrobatic routine of putting him in various positions, massaging his tummy, nursing him, and bouncing him on a ball for hours. And so, by this token, the diet has already been a success.

Cedar’s rash, unfortunately, still has not gone away, except with the help of some topical steroids, which I only wanted to use for a very short period in order to get his itchy, bumpy, red infected cheeks under control. They look way better now, but I know this is only treating the symptom and not the cause. He used to only break out with a rash when I ate dairy; that was the first food that I figured out for sure he was allergic to. But now I’m not sure what this new prolonged rash has been about. I’m wondering now if he doesn’t also have some allergies to environmental stuff, like our cat, or dust, or the detergent we use. So, for now, I’ve washed all our blankets and clothes in a more natural detergent, and will keep looking into other factors if it continues to be a problem. I sure hope we don’t have to get rid of our cat.

Now comes an exciting, yet also potentially new hard stage: adding foods back in. One at a time, with some days spaced in between, testing each forbidden food to see what kind of reaction he has. I’ve been deliberating lately which foods to test first, and which foods I may not want to test at all. I know for sure I’m not testing dairy. I’m also not testing cabbage. And beans and garlic may not be worth it either, based on past reactions.

But back then, before I was on this diet, I never could tell for sure what he was reacting to. And the naturopath I visited taught me that sometimes one can have a small reaction to a lot of different things, and the compounded result is still bad news. So, who knows, maybe on one of those nights I thought Cedar was reacting to the beans, it was actually the little bit of garlic, onions, beans, and kale, all together. After I figure out what he’s allergic to I can experiment with whether eating tiny amounts are tolerable to his system.

I’m eager to test coffee and sulfites, so I can go back to my unrestricted hedonistic ways. I’m also eager to test gluten, soy, and corn, since these things are found and so often hidden in SO many foods. I’m excited to test tomatoes, so that I can hopefully enjoy the crop that we’ll have coming in soon. And fish, nuts, eggs, and citrus, too, since these are all foods I regularly enjoy. It would suck if Cedar was allergic to fish, since my husband is an avid fly fisherman and our freezer is stocked with salmon and steelhead. But the truth is, I’d prefer to give up fish to gluten or soy or caffeine.

Hopefully, we’ll discover a few key culprits, and not that Cedar is allergic to almost everything on the list. But even if he is, at least then I’ll know how to help him live more comfortably, and how to avoid his bouts of pain, which can be so hard on mama’s tender heart and sleep-deprived nerves. And most likely, he will outgrow most of these allergies by the time he’s a toddler. Babies are such sensitive beings.

The bad news is, Cedar’s nighttime sleep patterns have not yet improved. I’d attributed his frequent night waking of the last couple months mostly to gas, but now I’m not so sure. Was it originally due to gas, yet now has just become a newly ingrained bad habit? Or is it more due to the fact that he sleeps so close to me in bed, or that he doesn’t yet know how to go back to sleep on his own? These are questions that can only be solved through more experimentation and trial and error, and experimenting with a whole new sleeping routine is more than I can tackle right now. I think I’ll wait until I’m done reintroducing foods (and potentially revisiting some bad, gassy nights) before I take on any new challenges. One thing at a time.

For now, I’m just so very grateful that we have seen progress, and that all this food deprivation and visits to doctors have not been for nothing. In fact, it’s already been so worth it to now have a happier baby. And the unintentional side effect is that I’m eating healthier and I’m more aware of what I’m putting into my body than ever before.

Gas, Food, Sleeping

Cedar and I have been laying low this last week, trying to get over a cold that we picked up somewhere—or that I developed myself since I’ve been running on empty lately. It’s been a busy and social couple weeks, culminating with a wedding for my dear friend Shelley (former co-author of this blog) on Whidbey Island—three full days of driving, ferries, delicious meals, ceremonies, getting dressed up, walking on the beach, socializing, nursing, bouncing, and trying to get Cedar to nap in between. On Sunday after the wedding, I was hit with a sore throat and stuffy nose, so this week I have been drinking lots of water, hanging around the house, and trying to go to bed early. 

Sleep has been an issue for us the last month or so, with Cedar waking at night as often as every hour or two, usually from gas. This broken sleep has no doubt contributed to my run-downness, and it’s kind of amazing that I don’t feel more sleep-deprived most days. I guess I’ve been able to get enough to survive, even if it is in these small chunks. Thankfully, I don’t have to leave the house and go to work in the morning so I can try to make up for bad nights with late mornings, in which I keep nursing Cedar back to sleep for as long as possible. And I guess my body—which used to demand nine hours of unbroken sleep a night—has adapted and will now humbly take what it can get. But, my god, it’d be amazing to experience an unbroken night’s sleep again! To sleep for eight hours in a row?! I never realized how downright luxurious that would seem. 

Cedar just had his four-month birthday, and some say that around three or four months is when babies start to develop more of a routine and sleep better through the night. Great. It pains me to think that we might be establishing a new “waking throughout the night routine” at this critical point in brain development when he is becoming more alert and aware of everything around him. I’m hoping that this is just a phase, and that it will pass sooner than later.  

When Cedar was about three months old, I decided to track his sleep patterns for a couple weeks to see if he had more of a schedule than I realized. Lo and behold, I found that on most days he was napping around 10:30 a.m., then again around 1:00, and again around 4:00 and 6:00, with some variation depending on how long each nap lasted. I was consistently putting him down for the night around 8:00, then he’d wake once at 3:00, and again at 7:00. At 7:00, he’d usually be pretty awake, so I’d change his diaper, feed, and play with him in bed for about an hour before he’d get tired again and go back to sleep for another hour, whereupon we’d both get up around 9:00. And repeat. It was so satisfying to have some sense of a routine and regularity, to know what to expect so as to better plan and flow with each day. 

And then, about a week and a half later, the night waking started—and the whole “schedule” went to hell. A week or so after that, I stopped keeping track—it wasn’t as satisfying to know all his sleep details when things weren’t going so well. I’d first attributed the night waking to early teething since he was showing all the signs (gnawing on his hand, batting at his ears, squirming from a discomfort that didn’t seem to be gas), but recently, he’s still been waking a lot, and most of the time now, it’s from gas (I know because I usually wake before he’s fully waken, and I hear him whimpering, kicking his legs around, and sometimes farting too).

Gas has been a constant struggle for Cedar from the beginning, but it didn’t seem to bother him—or us—as much before. I don’t know if it’s truly gotten worse now, or if he’s just more aware of his suffering. The gas seemed to reach a new peak of discomfort for him around two months, and ever since then, I’ve started paying extra close attention to my diet to see how much of it is food related. I’ve since deduced that cabbage is a definite no-no, the worst, really bad for my poor little guy. Other gassy vegetables like cauliflower, broccoli, and peppers are also off limits, although they are not as bad. Beans are pretty awful for him too, as are garlic, onions, and spicy foods. I’ve also completely eliminated all dairy from my diet, because it makes him break out in a crusty rash on his face, and I know it can make some babies gassy, too. I tried eliminating coffee for a week or so, but I don’t think it made much difference. Wheat and soy could be culprits too, but I have yet to test them. The problem is I have yet to do a true elimination diet, so unless there is a super clear correlation that I can trace (i.e. the cabbage), sometimes I’m not positive what caused the gas, but I can make a pretty confident guess (i.e. the hummus—but was it the beans or the garlic?). And since I’m not positive, sometimes I’ll eat those foods again just to be sure, and then feel terrible when I indeed make Cedar suffer again. 

Last weekend on Whidbey we went out to eat, and I ate a couple mussels before I realized they were swimming in a broth of butter. Cedar’s face promptly turned red the next day, and on top of this, despite our best efforts to keep his face covered with a hat, he got some sun as we rehearsed for the wedding ceremony in the afternoon heat. By the next morning, his poor face was the reddest it’s ever been. I felt awful. We’d burned our baby. Or maybe it was mostly from the butter.  

I know I shouldn’t blame myself; I’m doing the best I can, and lord knows I’ve already invested a lot of energy into trying to figure this food allergy puzzle out. But it’s hard not to feel bad when you know that you control what goes into your baby’s system. Besides constantly tweaking my diet, I’ve also tried giving him homeopathics like gripe water and Hylands colic tablets—the latter of which seems to help when it’s really bad. 

I had another low moment last week when Cedar was being super fussy during our PEPS meeting, likely from gas, and I finally left early because I wasn’t able to be present with the discussion-- and shed some tears on my way out. His bad spells are manageable at home when I have the bouncy ball, the Moby, the swaddle blanket, and silence-- all my tools for calming him and putting him to sleep. But when in the midst of company, no matter how friendly and sympathetic they are, I realized how sensitive I felt about my baby’s fussiness.  He’s actually a really mellow baby most of the time, I felt like proclaiming.  

I decided that day that I’d had it with the guesswork and needed to call a naturopath, do an elimination diet if that’s what it’d take. I promptly returned home and called Group Health to check what my insurance plan would cover, then did some research on which naturopath to invest my hope in. But in the end I decided to wait until Cedar had his four-month check-up this last Monday and see what our family doctor thought first. 

When I told our doctor that Cedar’s bad gassy spells might result in maybe a half an hour or so of crying a couple times a week, but that he was never fully inconsolable, she didn’t think this sounded that bad. She said that most babies cry on average of three hours a day, and we agreed that Cedar’s discomforts did not land him in the “colicky” territory. But, really-- three hours? I find this hard to believe based on the experience of other moms I know, but it did make me feel better. Cedar has gas most every day, but the really bad spells only happen now and then. What we’re going through, in the larger scope of baby issues, is not that big a problem.  

I think that his bad gas spells are from the foods I eat, whereas his constant baseline gassiness might come from ingesting air bubbles while he feeds. Or, it could come from other common allergens I have yet to test and eliminate, like wheat or soy. Or, who knows, maybe he just has a super delicate digestive system. I’ve been trying to burp him more than I used to, but at night I nurse him to sleep in our bed, and later when he wakes up gassy, nursing him again is what I’ve found most easily helps the gas pass through and helps him go back to sleep. If I try to burp him when he’s half-asleep, it doesn’t seem like I’m going to get anything out of him. Plus, being able to just roll over and not get out of bed when he wakes is one of the huge benefits of co-sleeping. If I had to wake and burp him after each night feeding, or get up and bounce on the ball for who knows how long each time he woke with gas, I’d be getting up all night long—and for an uncertain outcome. And when you’re as sleep-deprived as I’ve been lately, you don’t have much energy to invest in your own half-baked theories. You just want your baby to go back to sleep as quickly as possible. 

Raising a baby is a constant guessing game and experiment in progress It takes time to research and talk to experts, time I mostly don’t have. And then the experts (not to mention all the self-taught experts out there, a.k.a. other moms) often say different things. And in the end, sometimes I think no one really knows that much more than I do, since my 24-hours a day experience with this particular baby, and my own intuition armed with research, is probably more accurate than most people’s bits of passed-on wisdom.  Plus, by the time you think you’ve figured something out, your baby’s probably changed his game on you already anyway.  

I did feel a little better about Cedar’s gas and sleeping issues after talking to my doctor; it’s reassuring to feel like it’s not really that big a deal, and that night waking is still more the norm with this age than “sleeping through the night”. But after a couple more bad days and nights this week, my search for a naturopath’s second opinion has returned. Maybe we won’t ever get to the bottom of this, and Cedar’s gas is just something we’ll have to help him through and live with, but I can’t stand not knowing if there’s something else I’m ignoring that could help us all feel better. The hardest part is not knowing, a friend said. Indeed. 

On our way home from the wedding last weekend we stopped at Prima Bistro in Langley with the hope of having a nice lunch before getting in line to wait for the ferry. I took Cedar to change him in the bathroom, and just as I wiped his penis (which Matthew had noticed that morning looked kind of red on the underside) he started howling. Oh no. Could his penis be infected? He continued to cry the whole time we were at the restaurant so I got my salad to go, and he cried most of the time we were in line, on the ferry, and on the drive home. The breast wasn’t helping, and nor were the colic tablets, or the baby Tylenol I finally gave him. I felt demoralized, anxious, and sad—not to mention physically drained from my new cold. It didn’t help that he’d barely napped that day either, and that his face looked horrible from the butter and sun rash.  

By the time we got home, he’d calmed down. I had Matthew change his diaper, because I couldn’t deal with inflicting more pain on him, and Matthew reported that his penis actually looked fine, and he didn’t cry when it was wiped. What a huge relief! What this meant was that his crying that day was actually probably from gas. Probably from the white bean salad I’d indulged in and “tested” at the wedding, even though I knew I was taking a risk. Momentarily, things were again put in perspective for me. There are so many other more worrisome things that could be wrong with him. All Cedar had was a mild cold, an unsightly rash, and some persistent reoccurring gas. I could deal with this, even if it still strains my heart each day with worry. We’re going through a rough patch here, but all in all, I am still so very grateful that we are, for the most part, healthy and happy.