Always, In Flux (Or: The Current State of My Fifteen-Month Old’s Napping, Diet, Language Acquisition, Growth and Development)

Babies are constantly changing. Everyone knows that. It’s one of those basic tenets of baby-rearing that becomes almost cliché. Just like the adage that goes, “Just when you think you’ve got them figured out, they switch it up on you.” True but, to most moms anyway, a cliché.

Babies are constantly changing, but there are definitely periods where the changes seem to come quicker, more suddenly. Skills that have been slowly coming along for months suddenly come together and voila! Suddenly, one day, you realize you are in the presence of a different baby. Not so different than yesterday, but definitely different than two weeks ago. Sometimes it’s the people who only see your baby every so often that are most able to articulate the marked change.

Cedar seems to be in one of those periods now. For one thing, he’s about to make that big leap from two naps to just one. Sigh. For the longest time he has napped around 10:00 and 3:00. We have had a three hour chunk in the middle of the day to eat lunch and then go on a long walk or excursion, meet up with a friend, or run errands. I’ve come to depend on this routine and appreciate its consistency. But as Cedar’s afternoon nap has continued to get pushed later, and consequently so has his bedtime, I’ve wondered lately if I should enforce the transition to one nap and get it over with. But then I’ve reconsidered; why force it? It should become obvious when he is ready.

Now, it’s looking more and more like we have reached the time to switch him over. Last week for three days in a row Cedar resisted going down for his first nap. I’d try, then give up, then try again, then give up, and finally he’d go down sometime between 11 and 12. But then the last couple days he’s been back to two naps, so this is all to say that we are no longer on a predictable schedule.

I know I just need to go with the flow for a while until he settles into a new routine, but it’s unsettling to me to have to play each day by ear and feel unsure about what we’re doing, when is bedtime, whether I can commit to plans with friends, or sign him up for that upcoming swim class. I know, I know, big friggin’ deal, right?  These are the kinds of deliberations that probably aren’t very interesting to others, unless you are a parent like me who is slightly obsessed with sleep and who really likes to have a routine. I am by no means someone who likes to over-schedule my day, but I sure do like to know when naps, bedtime and wake up time are. These are hard-earned badges of a tired parent. It unnerves me to have it change every day now in a seesaw pattern. And it can’t be that great for Cedar either. His little body has an internal clock too, and a transition like this no doubt will throw him off for a while--although I suspect he’s more resilient than I am.

It’s probably no coincidence that this switch to a new schedule coincides with a period where Cedar is really exploring the reaches of his body and environment. Cedar didn’t learn to crawl and cruise around on furniture until he was over a year old, and since then it’s still taken him a while to realize that he is free to roam at will through the entire house. He isn’t one of those babies who just took off and was everywhere once they learned to crawl. It’s only now, at fifteen months, where I can truly say he is into everything; every day he discovers a new (un-childproofed) corner full of plants or lamps, a new dubiously supportive chair to pull up on, a new shelf to pull things off of. Only now is he of that age where he will take off with a devious grin as you come after him, playing a game of hard to get. I’ve also been teaching him how to safely get off our bed (mattress) by getting on his belly and sliding his feet off first, and although he still hasn’t mastered the whole maneuver, he sure looks satisfied when he manages a close approximation.

My baby is becoming a toddler. He says, “Hiii…” in a sweet call and response with me, and he understands so much of what we say now—in both English and Chinese. My mom watches him five or six hours a week and speaks to him solely in Chinese. I reinforce what he learns with her by scattering in words and phrases throughout our day when I’m in the mood, and to my delight, this has been enough for him to understand the language! Gei wo, chuan wazi, xiezi, kai deng, kan  feiji… Give it to me, put on your socks, shoes, turn on the light, look at the airplane… he knows these, and plenty more. My baby is bilingual! It’s amazing how they soak things up and learn.

He also knows now what ‘no’ means, and he’s old enough to erupt in a tantrum of an arching back and screaming protest when prevented from doing something he wants. I’m seeing more of his stubborn will every day. It’s both exciting and daunting to think about this coming (nearly here, already here?) stage of toddlerhood. Perhaps I will soon long for the “easy days of old” when he was a baby, as much as I’ve longed for the “easier days to come” when I’m no longer nursing and can eat whatever I want again, not to mention leave him for a whole evening or (hard to even imagine now)— a whole week!

Quick diet update: I am still not eating any dairy, soy, garlic, onions, tomatoes, citrus, coffee or chocolate. When you can’t eat garlic, it’s near impossible to eat out (unless I want to just special order a plain piece of meat, after first ascertaining that they don’t cook with soy oil, so why bother when I can make something much tastier at home?). Soy, of course, is everywhere—in most store-bought breads, crackers, chips, spreads, you name it—so that is a big one I need to watch out for. Both soy and garlic still give Cedar terrible gas pains (last time I tested), which leads to a terrible nights of sleep for all of us. I’ve learned from experience many times that it is not worth it for me to eat soy in any quantity. I will eventually test these main off-limit foods again, but there’s plenty of other stuff to test and retest in the meantime.

With his other restrictions, I’ve started to allow a little here and there. Dairy gives Cedar a rash, but it’s not too bad if I just have a little on rare occasion. I will occasionally now allow some organic ketchup on a burger, or some canola mayo (that has lemon in it) on my sandwiches, because being able to eat those two condiments goes a long way in the flavor diversity department. I will also occasionally allow a rare, beautiful cup of coffee, which doesn’t seem to affect Cedar unless I start to have it multiple days in a row. And I will eat a few pieces of certain brands of salami or other items that contain the ambiguous ingredient “spices” which no doubt means a little onion or garlic powder, but which I can get away with in small quantities. I still stay away from cabbage and broccoli, especially raw. Beans, which I’ve tried a bit more of recently, seem okay.

It has gotten way easier, this diet, but we are far from being out of the woods. In the meantime, I’m still constantly trying out new foods directly with Cedar, and since it is a rare day when he doesn’t have some slight rash on his cheeks still, then it can be hard to gauge whether he is having a subtle reaction to something or not. I never want to feed a huge quantity of something to him before I’ve given him just a little the first time, and so inevitably there are many foods I have to give him several times before I can truly say (or guess) that they are okay.

So far (besides the aforementioned things that I’m not eating and so by extension am definitely not giving Cedar until he can first tolerate my eating them), he has also proved sensitive to: bananas, strawberries, possibly potatoes and corn, and also plums, apricots, and peaches. I plan to retest the latter-mentioned fruits because I so hope he can enjoy with us the summer harvest, but I’ll hold off on the other stuff in the time being because my suspicion is great enough, and because there’s plenty of other new stuff I can introduce to him first.

This is such a slow process because I don’t want to test stuff on him if he’s already got a rash, and I also don’t want to test stuff on him if I’ve eaten something questionable myself within the last couple days. For the longest time I was also following the ‘wait three days after trying something new’ rule, but lately I’ve grown impatient and sometimes only wait a day or two if we are trying foods that I’m not that worried about. I’ve tried both egg yolk and whites on him separately, but he didn’t eat much of them, and his ensuing rash the next few days was not obvious enough for me to be able to say definitively if it was from the eggs or not. I haven’t gotten around to trying any nuts or shellfish on Cedar yet, but I have given him tuna and salmon which seem okay, thankfully. Wheat and gluten are fine too (thank god—it wouldn’t be fair for one kid to have so many restrictions!), as are all the meats he’s tried—chicken, turkey, beef, and a tiny bit of pork.

Because of our slow progression in trying new foods, and also because he is somewhat of a picky eater (well, who wouldn’t be when you have only been allowed so few things), Cedar’s diet right now consists mostly of a few key foods: oatmeal, bread, pasta, and puffs; blueberries (his favorite), apples, pears, and peas; a bit of the aforementioned meats (he’s not so hot on plain meat- who can blame him- but LOVED the bbq smoked chicken); carrots he can take or leave, and the same goes for green beans, beets, or squash. I’m constantly trying to strategize what else I can give him, as this diet seems rather boring and often vegetable deficient (usually all he’ll eat are peas and avocados) and protein deficient. It’s hard to make things more enticing when there are still so many foods and spices he hasn’t tried. His main source of protein is still breast milk, and since he can’t have any other kinds of milk, this means it’s important for me to keep nursing for some time—especially until he’s outgrown some of his allergies.

I’ve thought about sharing some of the ways we’ve learned to make food taste good during this period with so many restrictions, although I doubt that many people out there with food sensitivities would match our particular list of what’s okay or not okay. (People always assume that I can’t have gluten when I mention ‘food sensitivities,’ because that’s the allergy that has become more common and thus recognized in our culture. Restaurant people also often don’t realize that soy is in everything, and that vegetable oil = soy oil. And I’m not vegan; I eat eggs and meat, but I can’t do dairy.) I know, it’s a lot to keep track of. But personal gripes aside, I doubt that there are many out there who have to avoid the combo of dairy, garlic, onions, tomatoes and citrus. How do you cook a tasty pasta without these things?! Think lots of olives, capers, mushrooms, peppers, or artichoke hearts; plenty of herbs, olive oil and balsamic vinegar. For other flavor punches, also think bacon, roasted root veggies, and lots of avocados. And think spices like celery salt, paprika, and cumin. Not curry powder though, because that has garlic in it usually, and nothing too spicy either.

Anyway, this blog post is all over the place. I guess it’s just my personal taking stock of where we’re at now during this period of solstice and change. We’re growing up, we’re letting go, we’re stuck in old ways, we’re holding on. We’re trying to remember to appreciate each day, each stage, and each small new success along the way. We’re not walking yet, but we’re getting closer every day, and not that much in a hurry. (I was relieved, however when Cedar finally started crawling because it is such a useful skill for him to have in the interim before walking, even if it is not an essential milestone.)

What else? We’re packing up the 12 months, well into the 18s, already wearing some of the 2T tops, and soon, believe it or not, even 3Ts will be on the radar. (Our collection of hand-me-downs are in constant rotation between the too big or too small boxes in the attic, the “holding drawers” for the next size on the horizon, and then the one big drawer for current mainstays.) One month, one age, one size bleeds into the next, and before I know it, I’m signing my baby up for co-op preschool (starting next fall! Just one morning a week, though).

Some days I think that my life is incredibly tedious and boring. Other days I feel incredibly thankful and blessed. Some days I can’t wait for Cedar to get older and start going to school so I can claim back more time to write and work. Other days I just want to savor these days when he’s still a baby, my constant companion, sidekick, boob man, snugglebug nestled into my chest. I want it to faster, I want it to go slower. Always this push and pull, push and pull. Always, we finally reach out only when someone is about to leave. Always, something to praise, something to disdain. Always, in flux. Always, the norm. Always, surprises. Always, this moment to anchor my fly-away thoughts, to anchor my being in what is.

Baby Notes: A Food Sensitivity, Muscle Testing, Banana Eating, Elimination Diet Saga Update

Every day for the last seven months I’ve written down in a little notebook everything I eat and drink, everything I feed Cedar, every time Cedar goes to sleep and wakes up, whether he’s had any gas or a rash that day, and whether I’ve put hydrocortisone on his face.

I have three makeshift columns: the left side is sleep; the middle is what I feed Cedar plus any gas or rash symptoms for the day; and the right column is what I put in my body—which usually starts with tea (x2) and ends with wine. My handwriting is messy and much of the  notes are coded in a way that only I would understand (AB is almond butter; if something is circled it means I’m suspicious of it; if something is circled and starred it means it is something new I’m introducing; if something is highlighted it means I went back and tried to trace correlations over time; and, if there has been a reaction then I scribble all over the page, drawing arrows and question marks, making my best guess for the source.

As the months have progressed and as Cedar’s gas and rash problems have mostly gone away, I’ve gotten more relaxed about not recording every last thing— for example I might write down “chicken pasta” without listing the other ingredients—let’s say olives, mushrooms, balsamic, and zucchini—because I’m not worried about the dish and I trust I’ll be able to remember what was in it if I should need to go back and double check what I ate the last few days. I also might even skip a few days now, if, say, Cedar is mostly with his grandma for the weekend and thus I don’t know when he slept and woke as precisely; it’s good for me to let go a bit—and tracking sleep is more out of habit now than really necessary. (I will however go back and write down what I ate, roughly, especially if there was anything new or something old that I’ve still nevertheless had my suspicions about).

You might think I’m being a bit obsessive, but keeping this record has helped me figure out a lot of what would otherwise still be mysteries. To explain this, I’ll need to back up a bit, and also refer you to my old elimination diet saga post if you want all the background details. But in a nutshell, after many months of self-sacrifice, I figured out that Cedar was sensitive to: dairy, soy, garlic, tomatoes, plus various gassy vegetables and beans that I’ve continued to stay away from to this day. By now, with Cedar being almost one year old, I’m willing to test or retest virtually anything, but this process is still very time consuming. There isn’t a day that goes by where I am not either gauging the reaction of something new I’ve eaten or something new that I’ve fed Cedar, and waiting the requisite three days in between each new food. Plus, so often, results have been inconclusive and so I’ve had to go back and test things multiple times.

Cedar’s gas symptoms mostly went away once I figured out the main culprits. But they never went away completely, and nor did his rash, and then once I started introducing solids it became even harder to be sure what his lingering reactions were now from. Finally I got it together to visit a new naturopath, and she let me know an appropriate dosage of fish oil to give Cedar each day (1/2 a teaspoon), in addition to the 1 tablespoon I was already taking myself. This was for his eczema, and seemed to help a lot. I also started taking probiotics, and gave Cedar a pinch most days too for his tummy, which may or may not be helping, but it doesn’t hurt. The ND also suggested I check out the ingredients in my prenatals, and to my shock and frustration I discovered that there was soy lecithin in the coating! Soy was something that Cedar had some of his strongest reactions to, and here it was in the very pill I was taking every single day for his benefit. Oh, the irony.

Around the same time that I visited the ND, I also decided to contact a woman in Olympia who does muscle testing for allergies who had been recommended to me by several friends. “Applied kineseology” is a method of holding a series of little vials filled with different foods and potential allergenic substances against your body (or in my case, the body of my baby while I am holding him), then holding out your arm and having the practitioner press down on your arm to test for various levels of “muscle weakness”. Theoretically, when your arm stays strong and solid, there is no allergy detected. But with some substances, your arm goes weak and will offer no resistance to the person pushing, try as you may. I know this sounds a bit strange, and I’m sure you could get a better explanation of it somewhere online (along with sources that call it hokey which I’m glad I didn’t read before I went in or it may have prevented me from going). All I knew was that several of my friends had tried it for their children and wholeheartedly recommended this woman -- and these were intelligent, informed, open-minded women. It cost $60 for one hour-long session to test scores of substances and it was non-invasive. I figured it was worth a try.

I ended up taking Cedar to this woman twice. The phenomena of feeling my arm go weak in some instances and not others (without knowing what was being tested at the time) made me a believer. That, and the fact that the sessions confirmed what I already knew: that Cedar was sensitive to dairy, soy, tomatoes, and garlic. But more importantly, I also discovered a few surprises: sensitivities to onions, citrus, coffee and chocolate, too. Now, mind you, I had tested each of those things via the elimination diet; in fact coffee was the very first thing I reintroduced (which tells you how much I like it)-- and I had detected no reaction. But when I’d first tested coffee, I only had half a cup (then a little more a couple days later, until gradually over time I was drinking over a cup a day again). And when I tested onions several months later into the diet, I only had a little bit (knowing that Cedar was super sensitive to garlic, I was worried about its cousin). I had been a little suspicious when I’d tested citrus, and thereby concluded that a few squeezes here and there were okay, but whole oranges or glasses of juice were not. Now, I realized that it was entirely possible that these were all foods which, if I had a little here and there, there would be no obvious reaction. But if I ate or drank some combination of them every day, the cumulative effect would take its toll.

Sure enough, once I eliminated these last four things, Cedar’s lingering gas disappeared, as did his rash for the most part. I was bummed to give up onions and citrus since these added a lot of flavor to my no garlic, dairy, or soy diet. And though I knew I’d miss my coffee and chocolate, it was not that hard to give them up knowing that I was finally so close to solving the food allergy puzzle that I’d invested so much energy into for months now. There was nothing more satisfying than to finally get to the end of this intensely consuming investigation!

Of course, I wasn’t going to just blindly trust whatever the muscle lady confirmed, but once my own experimentation corresponded with our session’s results, I had no problem in believing in her methods. Sure, it still sounds a little hokey to me when I imagine explaining the method to those whom I know are going to raise their eyebrows with suspicion (e.g. my parents). But all I know was, it helped us, and this wasn’t any ‘placebo effect’ since we’re talking about Cedar’s responses and not mine-- and Cedar doesn’t know what I’m eating or not eating.

Our bodies are mysterious, sensitive, and complicated organisms. We manifest and register illnesses in such a magnitude of ways. Within the natural medicine world, this muscle testing practice is widely accepted and it is also used by many chiropractors. My mother-in-law, who is a counselor and hypnotherapist, also uses a form of muscle testing known as EMDR as a part of her practice, specifically for patients who’ve experienced trauma. You ask them a question and they respond by raising different fingers for yes or no. Our bodies know so many things that our minds suppress.

There is also a process of “clearing” an allergy which involves holding the offending substance (in the vial) next to your skin while having certain pressure points massaged at the same time, thus reconditioning the body to accept the substance. Although we did try this for Cedar for a couple things (why not?), I have less faith in this process (and time or money to invest in it), since it supposedly can take a few sessions to fully clear it. It does sound a little “too easy” to me, and perhaps I’m a little too traumatized to want to rush into giving Cedar soy or garlic again. But I am open to the possibility that it works in ways that are beyond my own abilities to easily explain. I’m also convinced that the world of naturopathic medicine has a lot more to offer to the growing rate of those who suffer from food allergies than Western medicine has been able to come up with. Where the pediatric dermatologist told me, “We mostly never know what causes the eczema,” the naturopath said, “Something is causing it and we need to figure out what it is.”

That said, I’m content for now with just staying away from dairy, soy, garlic, onions, citrus, tomatoes, coffee and chocolate, knowing that I won’t be breastfeeding forever and that Cedar will likely outgrow most of his sensitivities in time. I am however planning to try little bits of cheese (I heard that some dairy-sensitive people can often tolerate mozzarella), along with other foods that Cedar may be able to handle the older he gets. I want to try some organic soy sauce we found versus the regular GMO kind, as well as try cooked tomatoes versus fresh, and try dairy that’s baked into foods versus raw—all of which I’ve heard from a conglomerate of random sources that a some food sensitive people can better tolerate. We’ll see. In the meantime, I’m still oh so eager to introduce Cedar to more foods (it’s so fun- so satisfying to see his facial reactions each time, not to mention to keep building a varied, flavorful diet for him), so it’s always a trade off—who gets to try something new this week?

Sometimes it seems like this is all taking so long, so I get impatient and thus more sloppy, not waiting the full three days in between trying new foods, or else eating something and giving Cedar something (both of which I’m not positive are okay) around the same time. I have tried goat cheese three times already, and every time I haven’t been sure about the results. (Was that slight rash from the dairy or from the cold air? Or was it from the coffee, onions, or citrus I was still eating back then?) Speaking of citrus, I only recently realized that lemon was in the Canola mayonnaise that I’ve been eating (with relish, I might add, once I deemed that eggs were okay). Which means that the food reaction I noted to banana during that time I was having a plethora of chicken salad sandwiches was not necessarily the banana. Sigh. Even after months of this process, I still make mistakes. If nothing else, this diet is a practice in careful regimenting and patience.

Yesterday, I gave Cedar banana again, letting him have a third of one. He loves tasting banana, and often reaches for it when I am eating it, so I was really hoping banana would be okay. It’s one of those easy foods that everyone always has around, no need to heat up or puree. Well, a few hours later—and all night long—Cedar squirmed and cried out in pain. All night long he sucked on my boob for comfort. Poor guy. Poor mama. We are both very tired today, and I’m not sure his tummy pangs have fully gone away. Now I know for sure: bananas are not okay. They may be fine for me to eat, but this is no way to gauge whether Cedar’s delicate system can handle it.

And so the food, gas and rash saga continues. Overall, however, the diet is much less work now, but still our life is not without it’s occasional wakeful nights of discomfort or regret for not being careful enough. And Cedar’s rash is way better too; I only put a dab of hydrocortisone on it about once a week versus almost every day, and otherwise keep his skin well hydrated with all-natural oils and creams.

For now, I experience a small triumph every time I eat something or give Cedar something new, and there is no reaction. Yay- chicken is okay for Cedar! Yay- shrimp, beans, collards, and ginger are okay for me! The main thing I’ve been craving is CHEESE, in all its luscious forms, and by extension of this, also PIZZA. First, I’ll need to test that tomato paste though, and then we’ll have to make it at home of course since I can’t have garlic or soy oil which could be in many crusts.

Yes, it’s a constant challenge and game to see what I can get away with. And, it’s a constant return to feelings of remorse and weariness when I discover what I can’t. But never once throughout this process has it occurred to me to give up breastfeeding. I love breastfeeding, the bond it creates between me and my baby. And, I know that Cedar is getting so many essential nutrients and antibodies through my breastmilk that I could never fully replicate with even the best combination of formula and solid foods. So I celebrate the fact that amidst these trials, my milk supply has stayed healthy and strong, and so has Cedar’s immune system. It’s kind of amazing that neither he nor I have barely had one cold during this entire first year of his life. I can’t say for sure that it’s from the breastmilk (or fish oil, prenatals, probiotics and healthy-ass diet), but it doesn’t hurt anyone for me to take some credit here. No one else has been tracking our progress as closely as I have, so I might as well bask in this moment of satisfaction. 

The Elimination Diet Saga

Not so sure about beets.

It is taking me a really long time to finish this post. I wrote the first draft in October, and every time I sit down to edit and hopefully be done with it, I find I have more to add. On the whole, I feel ready to put this whole elimination diet to rest—to report my findings, proclaim my success, reflect on what I’ve learned, and move on to other subjects. But what I’m realizing (in part due to my inability to finish this post) is that this process of keeping a careful record of what I eat (or now that we’ve started solids, of what I feed Cedar too), and then tracking his reactions, will continue for many months still, if not years.


Of course, it won’t ever be as challenging as when the list of things I wasn’t eating exceeded the thing I did eat. And it won’t ever be as challenging as when I didn’t know what was causing Cedar’s gas pains that led him to writhe in pain, nor what was causing his face to be covered in a red, puffy rash which caused him to scratch it into infected, yellowing sores. No, those hardest days are far behind us already. In comparison, the challenges we now face are easy.  



But let me back up and recount this journey, for it has been no small feat. For five months and counting, I have been on an elimination diet. I started the diet back in August when Cedar was about four months old and had been suffering for a couple months through bad gassy spells. Some days, his gas would come and go throughout the day, causing discomfort, but nothing that couldn’t be appeased with a little nursing, bouncing and distraction. Other days, however, his gas would wake him from his sleep with an anguished howl, and a particularly bad spell might last for over an hour, during which I would bounce, massage, nurse, and shift him from position to position, trying to bring some relief.



In addition to the gas, Cedar had a rash on his cheeks ever since he was about a month old. My midwife had suggested it might be from dairy, and sure enough  once I eliminated dairy, it went away. (Later it would come back, though nowhere near as bad, and I’m no longer sure this subsequent rash is now food-related). Cedar’s gas and rash symptoms peaked at around four months. On days when I was especially exhausted, his discomfort could be enough to tip me over the edge into tears myself. I tried gripe water and Hyland colic tablets, I talked to his doctor, I made an effort to burp him more often (wondering if perhaps the gas was from air bubbles created when feeding), I did research online, but nothing was of much help. I tried to trace his gas to foods I was eating, and started avoiding things like cabbage and beans -- but still, his gas persisted.



Finally, I decided to visit a naturopath. I suspected that she would probably have me go on an elimination diet, and though I’d dreaded going to this extreme, I was convinced by now that more action was needed. I was tired of the guesswork. The ND gave me a long list of foods I shouldn’t eat, and briefly explained how I could reintroduce them one by one, after Cedar’s gas disappeared. How long would I have to be on this diet? She couldn’t say exactly. It could be months.



And so I cut out all dairy, soy, gluten, eggs, corn, tree nuts, peanuts, shellfish, beans, garlic, onions, tomatoes, citrus, peppers, spicy foods, coffee, and Brassica vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, kale, brussel sprouts, radishes, turnips, bok choy, etc.) from my diet. After doing more research, I also began avoiding fish, pork, processed meats, peas, berries, mustard, and cinnamon, which had also appeared in some sources as potential allergens. I was already cutting out so much that I didn’t want to take any chances.



Within a few weeks, Cedar’s gas pains went away. He still had a gassy moment or two, but none of the whimpering in his sleep, none of the prolonged cries that required constant bouncing and soothing to abate. For this, the diet was already worth it; for this I could already proclaim it a success. But we were only just getting started. I would still need to introduce each item, one by one, then wait for a reaction which could come anywhere from 4 hours to 3 days later. The naturopath explained how sometimes a little of something might be okay, but a little of this, plus a little of this, and a little of this, all together could create a reaction. So if you didn’t test everything one by one, and in a significant enough quantity, you could never be sure what caused each reaction. Also, I quickly learned that many reactions could last for several days, which meant that it might take a full week just to test one item on the list. And even then, if a test result wasn’t entirely clear, I would need to retest it. This is why elimination diets are a huge commitment and can take forever, but they also can provide the clearest and most accurate results, as opposed to blood tests which often show false positives.



Thankfully, summer was an ideal time to embark on such a diet. Despite having so many foods off limits, I could still eat plenty of fresh fruits (think nectarines, apples, apricots, cherries…) and vegetables (chard, spinach, lettuce, cucumbers, beets, and carrots were my mainstays), along with chicken, beef, quinoa, rice, and potatoes. I ate a ton of avocados, the only creamy thing I could spread on a sandwich, which I’d make with millet bread from the PCC, the best gluten-free option I found. Frequent treats included bags of salt and vinegar potato chips (seeing that every other flavor but plain had onion or garlic powder in it), coconut ice cream, Larabars (once I was eating nuts), and Pamela’s gluten-free, vegan ginger-almond cookies. Oh yeah, and wine. I never eliminated wine, grateful it wasn’t on my list. And I never could bring myself to cut out caffeine either, but I did go down to just one cup of tea a day for the first while, and coffee was then one of the first things I tested. Thankfully, it proved to be okay. There’s nothing worse than being sleep-deprived and cut off from caffeine.



As long as I planned my meals ahead of time and only ate at home, this diet wasn’t that hard to follow and could still be pretty delicious. Most things still taste pretty good marinated with olive oil, salt, balsamic, and maybe a little sugar or wine.  But good luck finding anything in a restaurant or deli that doesn’t have garlic, onions, soy oil, butter, or cheese in it. Not even the PCC makes dishes without garlic. I must say, however, that without my husband’s help dreaming up new dishes that I could eat, it would have been much harder. For the most part, he’s eaten what I’ve eaten for dinner, and seldom tempts me to stray by bringing ‘forbidden foods’ into the house.



That said, after just two weeks on the diet, I couldn’t wait to start reintroducing foods. Salmon and almonds were amongst the first foods I tested, and to my relief, Cedar did not seem to have a reaction to them. Hurrah! I could start eating almond butter on my millet bread for breakfast, and smoked salmon (caught and smoked by my husband, no less) in my salad for lunch. These were nice easy options for a quick protein fix, as opposed to always having to fry up a piece of raw meat. Sure I like meat, but I was not used to eating so much of it, at every meal, without any other source of protein for variation.



I mapped out a rough plan of what order to test things in, but often I ended up spontaneously changing my mind on what to try next, based on what we had (or didn’t have) around and how hungry I was. Mostly, I wanted to start with the foods that I least expected Cedar to have a reaction to so I could expand my diet as quickly as possible, and then work towards the items that were the most common allergy culprits: namely soy, gluten, corn, peanuts, shellfish and eggs. (I wasn’t even going to bother testing dairy.) I kept a careful record of everything I ate each day and Cedar’s sleep patterns to see how much of his frequent waking was linked to gas.  I wanted to be able to catch any subtle reactions, in addition to the obvious ones.



Hoping to reintroduce another easy protein source, I tested eggs early on, despite it being a common allergen. Cedar seemed a little more gassy about three days later, but I wasn’t sure, so I decided to hold off on eating them still and retest them later. Next, I tried tomatoes, and Cedar had a definite reaction a day or so later. I hadn’t suspected tomatoes. (So maybe those times he’d reacted badly to spaghetti, it wasn’t the garlic or the wheat, but the tomatoes that were affecting him! These were the kinds of small revelations I was having.)  Next, came citrus. I ate two oranges, and Cedar seemed a little gassier than usual a couple days later, but I wasn’t positive. My conclusion? I could have a little lemon or lime in my food, but I should probably stay away from guzzling glasses of orange juice for now. Easy enough.



Next, came soy. I drank four cups of soy milk over breakfast and lunch. Four hours later: major gas. The next day: restlessness and difficulty napping. And the next day: still gassy and restless. Definitely a reaction. I also hadn’t expected soy.



As much as I was hoping Cedar wouldn’t react to most things, it was also a relief when he would show a reaction because this meant that there was a point to me going to all this effort. It would have been so frustrating to go through months of self-sacrifice only to emerge with inconclusive results.



By now we were already about two months into this whole endeavor—three weeks where I’d eliminated everything, and five weeks of reintroducing foods. Peanuts came next. Cedar was definitely really gassy for the next few days. The problem was, however, that the same night I tested peanuts, my husband had (without thinking) put a dash of garlic and hot pepper-infused vinegar in our rice pasta dish. So the peanut test was wasted, which might not seem like a big deal except that it represented one more week I would have to be on this diet-- and at this point, I was increasingly anxious to be done with it.



Making mistakes like this was so frustrating, but so easy the minute I let my guard down and forgot to read a label. So much is hidden in so much. Like dairy in salami, or soy oil in granola, breads, tortillas, crackers, and mayonnaise. Soy is in everything, and most of it is genetically modified which is probably what has made it such an allergen for people. One night I was so excited that my husband was making a gluten-free crust and gravy for a chicken pot pie, and that we were actually eating something different for dinner that I forgot all about the fact that soy oil is what is in Crisco. Fuck. Soy again. Nights of a sleepless baby again. We already knew soy was bad for Cedar, and this now meant days of gassiness and another week added on to the diet.



Surprisingly, gluten proved to be just fine. I’d held off on testing gluten for months, assuming the worst. What a relief! Beer! Toast! How nice to know that my diet would improve again, even if I still cannot have anything vaguely creamy for some time.



By now, I’d started to get impatient and cut a few corners, for example eating some pecans, walnuts, ginger, cinnamon and berries without formally testing them, to no obvious adverse affect. Garbanzos were also okay (yay, more protein!), as was corn, kale, red peppers, mustard, and onions—the latter two of which have been especially exciting in the flavor department. I never thought I’d be so excited about mustard.



I’m still not sure about eggs. I’ve since read that eggs are one of those allergens that cause rashes more than they do gas, and since Cedar’s rash never completely went away, it is hard to tell for sure if he had a reaction the last time I tried them. I don’t really want to eat a ton at once and risk a bad outbreak, plus not a day goes by when I’m still not fantasizing about the next new food I’ll try, so it’s easier for me to just avoid eggs for now, indulging on occasion. (Plus, they make me gassy too.) And sadly, garlic also tested not okay, prompting major gas spells the two or three times I had it. There is so much I want to eat that has garlic in it.



I’m still gauging if I can get away with eating small amounts of things here and there (not to mention whether organic vs. non-organic, or GMO or non-GMO versions will make a difference to Cedar’s system), but all of this takes time—the requisite three days to wait after testing something if I want to do it right. In the meantime, we’ve also started introducing Cedar to solids, which means we have to wait three days after giving him something new too. (This is recommended practice for all babies, but especially so if your baby has already proven to be sensitive.) So far, we’ve given him yams, pumpkin, avocado, banana, peas, quinoa, apple, beets, and oatmeal. And so far, no obvious reactions, though I have a few suspicions. Since he eats so little of each thing at this point, however, it’s hard to say for sure. Time will tell.



For now, Cedar and I take turns trying new foods—this week, mama tests something, next week, Cedar. If there are no gassy reactions, then we can try two new foods a week, if there is a reaction, then maybe one.  It’s not that I expect him to be allergic to most things, especially the vegetables and fruits we’re starting him on, but when you’ve committed five months and counting to this process, it just doesn’t make sense to start getting sloppy now. It’s worth it to still proceed cautiously, one food at a time, because in the long run, that is the quickest way that we are both going to expand our palettes.



That brings us up to present. I still need to retest peanuts, and try shellfish, both of which I’ve avoided (call it intuition-- or fear). And then that pretty much just leaves all the individual gassy vegetables, beans, plus combinations or varying amounts of this and that. Sometimes I end up testing things on a whim, because I am hungry, get a craving, or there is no other immediate tasty option. For instance, when I decided to “test” a Dick’s burger and fries, or indulge in dark chocolate, which is really hard to find without soy lecithin in it, an “emulsifier”, whatever that is. And of course, by now, Cedar may very well have started to outgrow some of his sensitivities, which means that I could start retesting things if I wanted to. For instance, I tried butter the other week—apple pie for Christmas. In the past, the dairy rash reaction tended to come on a day or two afterward, and sometimes wasn’t so obvious until I’d had dairy a few times. I’m pretty sure his rash got worse after the butter, so I’ve deemed it still off limits, but I’m still planning to test goat cheese soon which might be less offensive than cow products. Sigh. Am I tiring you out yet with these details?  



At times I’ve felt like some people think I’m being overly cautious in my approach, but if they’d witnessed how uncomfortable Cedar once was and knew how much harder it makes our life when he doesn’t sleep well because of gas, then maybe they’d understand. It’s hard for me to explain the sinking feeling of dread that overcomes me when I hear Cedar begin to whimper in his sleep. I usually go into the bedroom to stand nearby so that the moment he wakes up crying, which I know from experience will come soon, I can be there to soothe and nurse him back to sleep.



In many ways, I feel like I’ve been flying solo on this whole endeavor, with the exception of the support of my husband. I don’t have a doctor who has guided me through the process, since my pediatrician knows little about food allergies, and the naturopath I first visited left me with some doubts as well as to her knowledge of infants and transference through breast milk. I have also not had the time to do the additional research that I would if I could. For instance, I’ve wanted to visit another ND for months, one who knows more about babies and who takes my insurance, but it seems like I blink, and before I know it, another month has gone by. At times, I’ve had to just let my intuition guide me, a resource I don’t want to underestimate. But I do suspect that if I’d had a skilled expert in children and food allergies guiding me through this from the beginning, I might have proceeded more efficiently and saved myself some of this trial, error, and guesswork. An expert might have been able to help me analyze the patterns of Cedar’s reactions, or cue me in from the beginning which sensitivities were likely to appear as a rash versus gas, or both. An expert might also help me figure out where I have been overly cautious with my diet, and where I might still not be cautious enough.



In the end, I’ve pieced together what knowledge I can in what time I’ve had, made a plan, and stuck with it. I’ve seen positive, conclusive results, at the same time that I still have lots of questions and unknowns. I’ve been taking fish oil for the last couple months, recommended by many to help eczema, and I think it’s made a huge difference for Cedar. I’ve also been using a borage butter baby eczema cream, which may or may not be helping too. Several have mentioned that I should also take probiotics or give them to Cedar directly, but I haven’t had the time yet to research what dosage. You’d think I’d jump on any potential solution immediately, but as a full-time mother there are so many things I mean to get around to researching or doing, and inevitably, some things—both potentially important or inconsequential—get put off or forgotten.



For now, Cedar’s gas continues to come and go as I continue to try new foods, mess up and eat things by mistake, or give in to occasional whims that I suspect won’t be worth it but oh well. His rash comes and goes too, perhaps influenced by the air and the environment. I visited a pediatric dermatologist months ago who prescribed hydrocortisone, which I continue to apply sparingly as needed for now since it keeps his rash under control. I’d rather not, since it can cause thinning of the skin if used too much, but the doctor assured me a little bit was okay, so I’ve resigned myself to this “treat the symptom, not the cause” solution. Everyone assures me that Cedar should eventually outgrow his sensitivities or allergies by the time he’s a year old, or two or three. And thankfully, the worst of his symptoms are over.



So, am I still on an elimination diet? Depends how you look at it. My diet has expanded so much since I first started this whole process that it doesn’t really seem like I’m on the same diet anymore when I’m just cooking for myself. And yet, I am still constantly obsessing about food—specifically, what food I’ll test next and how exactly I will eat it. When I do finally get around to eating something new, I take that first bite with a giddy sense of excitement and with an underlying current of dread, knowing that whatever fleeting pleasure these once forbidden flavors give me might not be worth the next day’s reaction. And, of course, put me out in the world and I still can’t eat hardly a thing at any restaurant and I still have to give my hosts a long list of things I can’t eat. I hate being the one with a million special requests, as I’ve never been a picky eater or had any food sensitivities of my own, but most people graciously accommodate, going so far as to omit the precious garlic from their main course.



Still, I remember in the past being a wee bit skeptical of people who had a lot of sensitivities, asking are you sure you can’t have just a little garlic in your dish? (Unspoken implication: are you sure you aren’t being just a little paranoid/overly cautious/or particular? I mean, what’s a little gas?). Even the pediatric dermatologist I visited had this attitude, calling me a “saint” and joking, “I’d just let him fart.” I had to explain that it wasn’t just “a few farts” and nor did he have some mysterious condition called colic that would just “go away with time.” My son’s discomfort was clearly caused by what I put into my body. His rash, on the other hand, I couldn’t say for sure, but being a dermatologist you’d think she would have been more sensitive to the potential food/rash connection.



Yes, this whole process has been incredibly long and tiresome. But nothing compares to how hard it was to not know what was causing or how to help my son’s pain. And although I dearly miss garlic, cheese, and the ability to order take-out or to eat my mom’s home cooking, I am also thankful for the way this diet has forced me to eat more healthily and to notice and appreciate all that I can and do eat every day.

Progress!

For the last three weeks, I’ve been on an elimination diet to try to get to the root of Cedar’s gas and allergy issues. No dairy, soy, gluten, corn, fish, beans, tomatoes, broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, peppers, radishes, kale, turnips, brussell sprouts, coffee, sulfites, garlic, onions, nuts, spicy foods, shellfish, citrus or eggs. So what am I eating, you may ask? Meat, rice products, other vegetables (namely spinach, chard, carrots, potatoes, beets, squash, and cucumbers), fruits, coconut products, quinoa, and millet. With the exception of a few days stint, I have not cut out caffeine completely; I did cut out coffee, which is supposedly the worst, but I’m holding out on that precious cup of tea in the morning, especially since I’ve been so tired lately, and also since I don’t think it’s a major culprit of Cedar’s gas (wishful thinking?). I also have held out on my evening glass of wine, though I’m mostly drinking wine with no added sulfites, since sulfites could possibly be an issue, but I doubt it. So, there you have it, caffeine and alcohol are my hold outs. Hey, I’ve never been a health fiend. I value my emotional stability, and, in these days of self-deprivation on many fronts, tea and wine are a couple of my dearest friends.

Actually, it hasn’t been as hard as it might sound. And it’s been that much easier for me to take on, because I’m doing this not just for myself, but mostly for my baby. True, it is virtually impossible for me to eat anything served in a restaurant, but these days I mostly stay at home anyway, and nor do I have much time to cook, so as long as I keep the fridge stocked with things I can eat, most days I don’t feel that deprived. Breakfast a bowl of rice cereal, and maybe some fruit or turkey sausage, minimally processed. Lunch is often a salad with rice or quinoa, chicken, lots of vegetables, and oil and balsamic. Dinner might be the same, or else maybe some other meat and roasted yams and potatoes. Treats are avocados, salt and vinegar potato chips, coconut ice cream, fruit, and gin and tonics, without the lime. It’s ironic how these days I view a little bit of alcohol as “better” for me and Cedar than, say, broccoli, especially when for the last year I’ve completely avoided alcohol or had very little of it. But when it comes down to varying opinions about how much and when exactly a glass of alcohol gets transmitted through breast milk, versus seeing an immediate correlation between eating a food and then watching your baby cry, arch his back, and struggle in pain some 4-24 hours later, um, I’ll take the gin and tonic. Right now rewarding myself with little treats is often what gets me through a tough day.

The good news is, Cedar’s gas has been mostly absent recently! He still has an occasional squirmy, gassy uncomfortable moment easily attribute to gas, but this seems much more like what one might consider normal, baby gas, gas that passes fairly quickly without a prolonged acrobatic routine of putting him in various positions, massaging his tummy, nursing him, and bouncing him on a ball for hours. And so, by this token, the diet has already been a success.

Cedar’s rash, unfortunately, still has not gone away, except with the help of some topical steroids, which I only wanted to use for a very short period in order to get his itchy, bumpy, red infected cheeks under control. They look way better now, but I know this is only treating the symptom and not the cause. He used to only break out with a rash when I ate dairy; that was the first food that I figured out for sure he was allergic to. But now I’m not sure what this new prolonged rash has been about. I’m wondering now if he doesn’t also have some allergies to environmental stuff, like our cat, or dust, or the detergent we use. So, for now, I’ve washed all our blankets and clothes in a more natural detergent, and will keep looking into other factors if it continues to be a problem. I sure hope we don’t have to get rid of our cat.

Now comes an exciting, yet also potentially new hard stage: adding foods back in. One at a time, with some days spaced in between, testing each forbidden food to see what kind of reaction he has. I’ve been deliberating lately which foods to test first, and which foods I may not want to test at all. I know for sure I’m not testing dairy. I’m also not testing cabbage. And beans and garlic may not be worth it either, based on past reactions.

But back then, before I was on this diet, I never could tell for sure what he was reacting to. And the naturopath I visited taught me that sometimes one can have a small reaction to a lot of different things, and the compounded result is still bad news. So, who knows, maybe on one of those nights I thought Cedar was reacting to the beans, it was actually the little bit of garlic, onions, beans, and kale, all together. After I figure out what he’s allergic to I can experiment with whether eating tiny amounts are tolerable to his system.

I’m eager to test coffee and sulfites, so I can go back to my unrestricted hedonistic ways. I’m also eager to test gluten, soy, and corn, since these things are found and so often hidden in SO many foods. I’m excited to test tomatoes, so that I can hopefully enjoy the crop that we’ll have coming in soon. And fish, nuts, eggs, and citrus, too, since these are all foods I regularly enjoy. It would suck if Cedar was allergic to fish, since my husband is an avid fly fisherman and our freezer is stocked with salmon and steelhead. But the truth is, I’d prefer to give up fish to gluten or soy or caffeine.

Hopefully, we’ll discover a few key culprits, and not that Cedar is allergic to almost everything on the list. But even if he is, at least then I’ll know how to help him live more comfortably, and how to avoid his bouts of pain, which can be so hard on mama’s tender heart and sleep-deprived nerves. And most likely, he will outgrow most of these allergies by the time he’s a toddler. Babies are such sensitive beings.

The bad news is, Cedar’s nighttime sleep patterns have not yet improved. I’d attributed his frequent night waking of the last couple months mostly to gas, but now I’m not so sure. Was it originally due to gas, yet now has just become a newly ingrained bad habit? Or is it more due to the fact that he sleeps so close to me in bed, or that he doesn’t yet know how to go back to sleep on his own? These are questions that can only be solved through more experimentation and trial and error, and experimenting with a whole new sleeping routine is more than I can tackle right now. I think I’ll wait until I’m done reintroducing foods (and potentially revisiting some bad, gassy nights) before I take on any new challenges. One thing at a time.

For now, I’m just so very grateful that we have seen progress, and that all this food deprivation and visits to doctors have not been for nothing. In fact, it’s already been so worth it to now have a happier baby. And the unintentional side effect is that I’m eating healthier and I’m more aware of what I’m putting into my body than ever before.