I’m not sure if I’ll ever be one of those bloggers who posts things every few days much less every day; I just don’t have that much to say. Or else I’m still too self-conscious about what I write and choose to put out into the world. I’m still navigating a fine line between what I consider good enough writing to post on this blog, and what feels too stream-of-conscious or lacking focus, too much like a glorified email to the myself, a.k.a. the world.
My friend Shelley and I started this blog in part because we wanted to create a space where we could put our writing out into the world more openly and freely, without having to agonize over editing and then submit and wait and wait and wait for those elusive acceptances from literary journals. On one hand, it is working. I have shared my writing with more of my friends through this blog than I would through most obscure print publications. I love the instant gratification of pushing that Post button, and then waiting for comments to trickle in. But I also know that I still resist writing about just any old subject here. I hesitate from being too chatty, from posting random thoughts of little substance, or from posting things about myself that feel too personal to share without more distance and perspective. (In that sense, traditional publishing is great because by the time a piece of mine is actually published, I’m removed enough from the emotions it took to write the piece to feel not quite so naked).
But in short, I still have a long ways to go before I truly treat this blog as a place to “write without censoring” or to be “more free on the page,” abstract goals I first espoused. Instead I sit and muse for days or weeks about what my next blog post might be. And I keep telling myself (and Shelley) that it’s okay to post shorter, less polished, more random musings. That if I/we don’t every so often, then we’ll start to take this blog too seriously and not post very much, instead of utilizing it as a way to write more loosely and frequently.
So dare I post this post that in this moment does not feel worth posting? Maybe I will, and then maybe I’ll go ahead and write another one right away, just to try and prove to myself once again that the more you write, the more you discover all you have to say.